Everyday Money

Setting Aside Shame and Blame in Financial Decisions

Shame fails at changing behaviour, it can also trigger the very mistakes we’re trying to avoid. Shame is something we internalise, and we capture it with a statement like, “I’m a bad person.” With guilt, we focus on the action and say, “I made a mistake. That’s really dumb.” In other words, we make shame about us, but guilt is about the event.

Think about the last money conversation you may have had with a spouse or partner. Imagine there was a financial “event,” and with the benefit of hindsight, you label that event a mistake. What happens next has probably happened to all of us at least once. One or both of you may have shamed and blamed the other for the mistake. One couple I know experienced such an event, and I have watched them shame and blame each other for the last decade. 

So to help you stick to the rule, I want you grab a hat and a Sharpie. No, really. Grab an actual hat and a Sharpie. Maybe one of those trucker hats with an oversize crown. Then, across the front, write, “No shame. No blame.” Every time you talk about money, wear your hat.

Source: NY Times